am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
