I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
