She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
