What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
