fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
