I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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