I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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