You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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