So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
