If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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