dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
