We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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