He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
