You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
