While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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