I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
