just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
