her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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