Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
