I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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