and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
