Duck Duck Cougar?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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