Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
