Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
