i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
