youre lurking in front of me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
