I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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