Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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