I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
