No stitches, just platelets and will power
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
