I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
