you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
