I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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