watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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