I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
