the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
