At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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