NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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