Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
