weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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