So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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