My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
