Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
