operation harelip BJ is a go
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone came in the potted fern
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
