toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
