i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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