Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
