Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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