Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
