she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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