Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
