Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
